Boredom.
While one part of me want to move another simply can't reponse it. Inertia has become part of me. As the days go, more and more my body stays immobile. My inner fights with my body in a will of go and stay.
My mood again has turning to a cold face, and I know soon it'll begin to bother. Myself and my life in the whole. I got used to it. And my, how could I say, 'selfish' thought of 'don't care a fuck' to all it makes it all a bit dificult to solve.

It all doesn't make any sense. How the world is fool and how life is useless.

I think I am fading. It's funny how people cannot see things right under their noses.
I am just talk foolishes to others, and as always forgetting the main thing: to care myself.
It always was my mistake and it'll always be.

Right now I am thinking same things and doing same things.
In fact, I like it, and it really doesn't bother me, but I wonder when "world" will catch me to reality of our times.
Always pretending, always trying to be nice. How much time it'll long?

...Then thou thinkest I insane?

...is because thou not knowest what is fall and cannot rise. Fall in the Underworld, see Mister Pain and Mistress Death very, very close saying: "Thy soul is lost..."
...is because thou art blind to the reality. Thou not seest the shadows cover thee and laugh of thy insignificance and mortal soul...
...is because thou not knowest what is have eyes gloating at thee at the night. Eyes which not allow the sleeping. Eyes which bring the fear.
...is because thou not knowest what is live against the Fate. Live condened to never smile really. Fight, even knowing the win is impossible. Locked in Destine's Hands.
...is because thou not feelest the affliction of the others. Their real feelings buried in the deep of their hearts, end not feelest them hitting thee within, being no possible put them out.
...is because thou not hast a heart full of cuts of the Time. Wounds which never stop to bleed. Thou not hast a mind deteriorated daily drowning into the deepest pit.
...is because thou not what is live cannot understanding why the others laugh and have to wear a joy mask to fake thine.
...is because thou not passest all life seeking for a answer, knowing that it is discover that wilt suffer to Eternity and after.
...Is because thou not hast suicidal thoughts all time and feelest desire to do it. To know, that this is the best way to end it all, but hast not courage to make it true.
...is because thou not what is hast not springs, only winters... not knowest what is seest all the world with palid colors, black and white, and have this paliness trespassing th inner.
...is because thou not knowest what is hast not faith and hope in the day of tomorrow. God exists, the Demon too, noe look around and tell who is winning?
I already have my conclusions...
...is because thou knowest what is hast thy beloved there without at least glipse at thee, and have to love with the eyes because more than it, thou knowest, wilt suffer more and more...
No, thou not knowest...

An End


First Part

With sorrow, with sadness
He walketh now with no course
Walketh with one certainly
Not live more in this world

A cut and he'll be free
A cut and he'll smile really
A cut and the end...
Won't carry any memorie

Just one woman, beloved
He'll keep a memory
A lovely woman...
Whom left him in hope

Oh well it doesn't matter
It's already was left behind
Soon his figure'll dead
To behind he won't look anymore

Nothing can change his dicision:
"Thou art blind? Look around thee
Thou can see compassion?
I can see just wickedness!"

"Leave of stupidities idiot mind!
Stop think about thy passion
Only is need a one decision:
'Will I cut the wrist or the heart?'"


Second Part

It is cold in the room
Dark clouds cover the sky
Through the wondow blows the wind
Making the cruel scenery

He taketh on the table
The sharp instrument so
Putteth on the wirst, no hurry
He feeleth the sweat, cold

Then a moment of pain
Looketh down, his his clothes's blottled
And his sight become blurred
Blood... dizziness... torpor...

Now he seeth winged creatures
They see his on the ground
They watch his... quiet
"Where am I?" - he thinketh then

He looketh at thy corpse again
And seeth a blood river dancing
He feeleth more and more tired
Now the rain is increasing...

So he knowth at the moment
"This is my end finally"
But the suffering continues
And will extends to eternity...

No Choices

Where are my choices?
My crossroads
Left and right
to make the life mine?
Destined
Once and now
Somehow
My way reaches horizon

Hymn of living
has just one note
And it says
there is no hope
And no end
Through this road along

Hardened feet
Will to soar
But locked on the ground
I nearly have to crawl
Impossible rise
It's shown in the journey
Just one way
Fated
Once and now
I'm down
Abased

Reflex Brings the Past

Mirror's reflex cries
If I only could
My life it's been lies
Hidden behind
A vision I can't understand
A promise was made
At that moment I take

Words now are lost
Only wind knows
The living inside has no life
and woe shows

How believe?
How believe in the future
if the past still glaring
How has no dread?
If through the mirror
I have been led?

Whispers words get my ears
Those words said for years
Mirror cries in remember
Spirit's ready to surrender

Through the splitted mirror
Through the crying reflex